What To Say To A Bereaved Friend

10 Sep What To Say To A Bereaved Friend

People respond to bereavement in profoundly different ways. Grief is deeply personal, and even with a long-standing friendship, knowing what to say to a bereaved friend can feel overwhelming. Some may find solace in being listened to or others may be comforted by gentle presence or silence. The pace and texture of grief differ from person to person yet what matters most is showing patience, kindness, and a willingness to meet them wherever they are in their journey.

Although your presence from near or far is supportive these are some gentle phrases that validate and comfort:

• “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

• “I’m here for you.”

• “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.”

• “Would you like to talk about them?”

• “I’m thinking of you.”

• “Take all the time you need.”

• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Practical Support Matters

Grief can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Simple actions like cooking a meal, walking together or helping with household chores can bring essential relief and companionship to your bereaved friend.

Understanding the Grief Journey

Familiarity with the five stages of grief may help you see what they are experiencing and ultimately help you decide what to say to a bereaved friend throughout their grief journey. Though often blended or out of sequence, these stages can offer insight into their emotional state:

• Denial: The loss may feel unreal or shockingly wrong.

• Anger: Emotions may erupt which are sometimes directed at others or seemingly random targets. If anger becomes overwhelming, you may need to step back, but letting your friend know you’re still present (even from a distance) matters.

• Bargaining: “What if…” or “If only…” thoughts are common attempts to make sense of the loss.

• Depression: Deep sadness, withdrawal, or fatigue can emerge. If this persists, gently suggest professional support.

• Acceptance: Your friend may gradually adjust to a new reality, even while still feeling that underlying ache.

Note that grief may also involve shock, numbness, PTSD and trauma, guilt, anxiety, or relief which are responses that Future-Edge Therapy describes as uniquely individual and sometimes physical in nature.

What to Avoid Saying

Even well-intentioned phrases can feel dismissive or hurtful. Here’s why these are best avoided:

• “I know exactly how you feel.” Everyone’s grief is unique and comparison can feel invalidating to your friend.

• “They’re in a better place.” May minimise the pain or conflict with their beliefs.

• “At least they lived a long life.” Can suggest their grief should feel easier or “less valid.”

• “It’s time to move on.” Implies there’s a deadline for grief, when there truly isn’t.

• “Everything happens for a reason.” Attempts to rationalise something profoundly painful can feel cold or dismissive.

Knowing When to Suggest Professional Help

Supporting someone you care about is invaluable, but grief can sometimes create deep-rooted emotional trauma. If you find yourself unsure of what to say to a bereaved friend, or if they seem “stuck,” overwhelmed, or unable to express their feelings, remember this is not a reflection of your friendship. It may simply be a sign that their grief has become too heavy to carry alone.

Future-Edge Therapy offers Grief Recovery Therapy, a structured and compassionate approach grounded in somatic techniques, therapeutic tools, and individual pacing to help people work through grief safely and effectively. If you are concerned about what to say to your bereaved friend, you can also reach out to us. We can guide you with gentle ways of encouraging them to seek the support they deserve, while allowing them to take that step in their own time.